2007 Travels

I woke up stoned like completley light headed and disorientated. We checked out of our hotel and got ourselves completley lost in a part of Amsterdam I'd never seen before. Luckily we found a Canal Bus and waited... when one turned up we took a barge to Anne Franks House, where we got up and queued for ages to be let in. Having recently written my dissertation on Dark Tourism I was able to go there and see how the visitor attraction had implemented this, I'd been twice before but without any background knowledge on dark destinations. However, it didn't feel dark and voyeuristic visiting this site more like an act of remebrance. Chris wasn't talking to me whilst at this destination I think in my stoned state, I'd giggled too much at his clumsiness and general uselessness that he didn't really like me.. We sat in the free Speech part of the theatre with all these really right wing Americans. They ask you a political question like "should gays be allowed to marry" and then tell you how many people in the audience said yes or No. That question alone was a 40% No, which is kind of scary that people still think like that. We wandered back to the Rembrantsplein and sat on the band stand just talking and people watching until lunch time, when Chris and I decided to try the authentic dutch dish of Herring. It was actually really nice but not filling enough to prevent me getting Falafel afterwards. We went to the Dam square after lunch where a fun fare was taking place... at this point I still felt slightly stoned and so we went on the Ghost Train and it was just really intense... I got a bit hyper when someone chased me with a chainsaw and I think this may have started me off again... because we went on the bumper cars next and I was generally amazed with how much they moved themselves. I brought these cool clocks in a shop... all with different time zones on and Chris brought me a cool picture with a mouse on... a clogless mouse. We wandered back to the district and shared a joint in Funny People before wandering around the sex shops slightly stoned and commenting on how deep the porn was. For tea we went into an authentic Pancake resturant and I had Ham, Mushroom and Cheese pancake... They brought me some maple syrup to put on them and I was like nooo! We made our way back to Schipol afterwards... spend ages waiting for our flight reading seperate magazines. I spend the last of my money on 2 bottles of Schipol Wine from a cafe which they took off me at customs and chucked in the bin.

We spent the first part of the morning walking around the Canals. We'd started off lost but I was enjoying the stroll so we carried on walking..we found a Pink Floyd Coffeeshop and the cake looked amazing we promised to go there later but couldn't find the place again. We then went to the Sex Museum and had a look at all the objects. My favourite part is going on the telephones and listening to some women talk dirty to you... I was told I had a huge prick which I thought was kind of unkind! I hate the black room in the museum though... I've been there before and its full of weid sexual kinks some like bondage and big breasts are tame and okay to look at but its again the amount of bestiality and again dogs and horses are the main culprits. We had lunch after the museum typical dutch Vlaamse frites! Chips and Mayonaise. I always have my chips with mayonnaise anyway so I was happy but its not as good as Hellmans mayonaise!

We went back to the main street specially on a search for Australian Homemade chocolates... God I love those chocolates so much. I brought myself 6 boxes. I plan to put a box back until my wedding day and of course Allen would kill me if I went to Amsterdam and didn't get him a box so I got him one. I managed to buy myself a winter coat for my trip to Boston next week and then we went back to the Red Light District. We had a look around the smart shops and sex shops and wandered into the Condomerie. I brought Allen an Easter Gift Box which contained weird things like rabbit shaped condoms, chocolate eggs (to eat) and condom sweets. Chris brought Mike a football shaped Condom (!?!) After that we decided to take a barge tour which took us along the canals to the main site of Amsterdam. It was really nice weather so we had the windows open, at one point we went inrto the sea which was a bit scary on this tiny barge. We spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the district before making our way to Coco's Outback another favourite haunt of Allen and mines. I totally love their Crocodile Pie... but when we got there it was no longer on the menu. I'd come all this way so I settled for a Kangaroo burger in extra large which was huge, I couldn't finish it all and it wasn't really that tasty. Walking home the whole main street had been closed and armed policeman stood at all the exits, not understanding dutch we didn't have a clue what had happened but we could see police helicopters which was really strange. We found the Freeland my personal favourite Coffeeshop and ordered Space Muffins before wandering further down the light District I was determined to get a Space Shake and kept asking for them in these coffee shops before someone told me that they had been banned last year. I think its because they were really strong as everytime I've had one I've had to deal with major paranoia. I brought myself another cake in the bulldog as I wanted a better high than that of last night... then wandered back to the botel for it to kick in... not as good a high as before I got very thirsty and send Chris to the vendor to buy 4 cans of drink and I was convinced the woodchips on the ceiling were all deeply erotic drawings bit boring actually...

Coventry airport is like a shed... Allen dropped me and Chris off on Tuesday evening before he went to see his mum in hospital and I felt like such a bitch. I mean here I am holidaying with another man whilst Allen's mum forgoes an important operation. Allen wouldn't hear of me cancelling my holiday and although my priorties lie with Allen I guess it wouldn't have been fair on Chris not to go.. So that's how we ended up in Coventry airport waiting for our flight to Schipol. We had 2 hours to spare and ended up in the most awful cafe eating out of sheer desperation, as per usual Chris had brought the same concotion of junk food that you usually only see on programs like "You are what you eat" before they become healthy. I brought a microwavable Chicken soup and was trying to surreptiously sip it without watching Chris eat. We ended up in the waiting room which for some completley bizarre reason was just showing the trailer for the Santa Clause 3 movie on repeat... this being mid-April. I brought myself a copy of Heat and a glass of white wine and waited... it seemed ages before the plane boarded and then whilst onboard the flight seemed relatively short.

We arrived into Schipol at 9 and only having taken hand luggage meant that it didn't take us long to get through immigration at all, we were on the double decker train to Central Station within 15 minutes of landing which felt brilliant. We stayed in the Botel which is fairly near to the station so we checked in, dumped our bags in the room, I checked that the dodgy porn channel was still free (it's really funny, when stoned) and we went out into the Red Light District. It's kind of weird going there with a guy who isn't your boyfriend... I was aware of Chris perving at the women particularly one who appeared to just be wearing sellotape across her nipples, and it embarrased me to be with him. I mean a boyfriend wouldn't look as it would be disrespectful to his girlfriend, yet I kind of had no control over Chris gawping. We found a coffeeshop which looked good and shared a bubblegum joint... I really didn't enjoy smoking it as it was way too strong and it seemed to make me really negative, So I brought myself a vanilla Spacecake. We left the cafe and took a walk outside looking in all the sex shop windows... I was shocked over the amount of bestiality which occured in all the sex shop windows. There was a lot of dog and horse related porn... We went to the erotic museum next where the highlight was definitely the porno version of the Smurfs that they show there. The museum was a bit crowded so I didn't take that many photos of me posing in the windows like I had done in the past with Allen. We walked back to our boat after the museum where we waited for our cakes to kick in... it was hilarious! I was lying up at the ceiling convinced the shapes were mice with clogs on, which got me singing waltzing Matilda. Will and Grace was showing on the TV and I was convinced that the whole program was about the England and Ireland divide with Jack and Karen representing the invading forces! Me and Chris had noted how much a mutual friend looked like a kettle... and then flicking through the channels again.. a red head was getting a spit roast from two guys and I was like wow... how come we don't get this version of Will and Grace. Chris then ruined all the fun by getting on a downer and being generally miserable so decided that the best thing to do was to go to sleep.